This is not my ceiling
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
