when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
