the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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