My girlfriend figured out who you are.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
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He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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