Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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