alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
