Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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