weddingsv make me drug and hornr
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
