READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
