He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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