listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
