I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
