i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
