What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
