Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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