I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
