But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
