I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
