just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
