My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you would pick up someone in the library
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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