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You just made me feel so damn special
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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