All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
