I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
