Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
