Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
