Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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