she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
