I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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