Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
