Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
