please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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