Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Pants are for mortals
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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