they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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