a search helicopter?!
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
