Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
it's like iHOP with fire
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
