So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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