shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
