fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
