Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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