Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
