Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
