Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize
