I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
