2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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