So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
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At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
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She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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