Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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