All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
