dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
