I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
is it fun? or sober?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
