She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
