Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Randomize
