I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
