You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
