I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
