if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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