how do flat chested girls get laid?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
