Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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