I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
