life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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