Can Purell be used as lube?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
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