a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
