we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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