I wish I could teleport
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
