It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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