I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
zippers are such a cool invention
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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