You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize