Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
