She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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