Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
