Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
