my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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