Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
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